One of my teenagers said something to me yesterday that stopped me in my tracks.
She was frustrated about something, and I was doing what I have become VERY capable of doing over the course of my life:
Noticing subtle shifts in emotion, tracking tonal and facial changes.
Trying to help, to make every little thing "better".
My kid was justifiably upset, and I was asking her questions (oh hi Professor gift, we meet AGAIN)
And finally she looked me straight in the eyes and said:
“Can you just let me be MAD, please?”
And I realized…
Yeah. Absolutely.
It IS safe for me to let other people be mad.
They are allowed to be frustrated.
I can love them while they're frustrated.
I can stay connected to them while they’re frustrated.
And we ALL gets to own their OWN emotions.
That may not see groundbreaking to you at ALL, but for me?
It's pretty life changing to realize that actually DID feel safe.
Because I learned VERY young to pay attention to the emotional temperature of a room.
I grew up with amazing parents who, like every human, had their own histories, sensitivities, strengths, and places where they were still growing.
As the eldest daughter, I became particularly skilled at noticing when emotions were shifting and trying to keep things okay for everyone.
That skill followed me into adulthood.
It followed me into leadership.
It followed me into parenting.
And because I CAN often sense when someone is becoming dysregulated, I spent a lot of years assuming I was responsible for doing something about it.
That’s one of the places where God's been doing some really meaningful work within me lately.
He's been clearly showing me that I'm allowed to perceive something without automatically becoming responsible for managing it.
That has implications far beyond emotions.
And if you're a High Responsibility Human like me, you're also VERY good at seeing things.
You clearly notice the "problem" presenting itself-
- The person who needs help.
- The information that’s missing.
- The potential nobody else seems to recognize yet.
- The resource being wasted.
- The misalignment everyone keeps walking past.
- The direction the team needs to move.
And because you can see it, you've probably learned how to pick up the responsibility for fixing it.
In fact, you've probably continued to pick the problems up every time you see them, carrying them for years while never realizing it wasn't yours to wholly manage in the first place.
This is one of the reasons simply identifying your Primary Motivational Gift only takes you so far.
A Consoler may deeply perceive someone’s pain and need support discerning what loving presence actually asks of them.
A Coach may see someone’s potential and need wisdom around how much responsibility belongs to them for another person’s growth.
A Builder may immediately see what could be done to help and need clear action steps re: deciding which action is actually theirs to execute.
A Judge may recognize the misalignment accurately and still need clarity around when, how, and whether they’re being asked to address it.
A Professor may see information or understanding that could help and need guidance around when more information is actually useful.
A CEO may instinctively see what needs coordinated and need direction around the boundaries of their responsibility.
A Steward may recognize where resources could be used differently and need strategy around how to manage what has actually been entrusted to them.
Your gift gives you information. Formation helps you discern what God is asking you to DO with that information.
That is a huge part of the work we’re doing inside Grow In Your Gifts™.
Over seven weeks, we’re moving beyond identification and learning to recognize how our gifts are currently being expressed, where they need development, where our experiences may have shaped their expression, and how to increasingly direct them in accordance with God’s will.
Because I want you to become exceptionally capable of using what God has entrusted to you.
And I want you to have the discernment to recognize what is actually yours to carry.
JOIN GROW IN YOUR GIFTS™
Faithfully rooting for you,
Lee
P.S. If you still don’t know your Primary Motivational Gift, start with the free assessment first. TAKE THE PRIMARY MOTIVATIONAL GIFT ASSESSMENT Then come back and join us for the formation work.
